Sometimes someone will really rattle my cage, and sometimes that person is someone I work with and have to see regularly. I thought I had learned this lesson long ago about loving everyone, even if I don’t like them. I was taught/told to pray for that person for two weeks and that always helped–hard as it was to do, or even to become willing to do. Well, I finally decided I had to do this for an irritating someone that I knew I really didn’t want to hurt or insult or even speak harshly to. So a few days ago I wrote two prayers. I have been reading them daily. And I shared them in a conversation with a friend, who asked me to send the prayers to her. As I composed an email to her and attached my two prayers, I pulled out my Big Book, remembering what I call the “4th Step Prayer,” also called the “Sick Man” prayer. I also remembered a certain piece of wisdom on another page that I was frequently referred to when having problems with tolerance and acceptance of others, those frequently quoted words about restraint of pen and tongue. I added those two immmortal pieces of advice to my email and then printed out a copy of all four for myself. In case these words might help someone else, here they are…

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Prayers for Restraint, Tolerance, and Compassion

Please help me not to react in anger. Help me not to want to be in control. Help me to not school another person. Help me to be kind, tolerant, and compassionate. Help me learn to be assertive but not unkind.* 

Please remove from me my buttons and triggers so that I may become more tolerant and compassionate. Help me to monitor my tongue and pen. Help me to be kinder and less judgmental and intolerant.*

From the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 91 

“Nothing pays off like restraint tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps.”
  

From Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67

“Though we didn’t like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick, too. We asked God to show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’’’

*Lori Crockett, 1/25/23